I See Dancing People

I SEE DANCING PEOPLE

We know what Jack White’s gonna do at the Austin City Limits music festival this weekend.

Have you ever gone to a music festival only to find yourself picking the wrong shows, the wrong parties, and even the wrong bathroom line to stand in?

We sure have. So instead of telling you about what to expect at this weekend’s Austin City Limits music festival, we asked a professional – that is, astrologer Aurora Tower. We had her look into the future to determine which performances will soon be legendary, which guys are worthy of a late-night hook-up, and when you should just shut up and party. Here’s what she predicts:

Forget the status-consciousness of Taurean Coachella or the random hyperactivity of Gemini festival Bonnaroo; the sun is in Libra for Austin City Limits and people are ready to mingle!

The overly-sensitive moon will be in Virgo for most of the festival. Despite its perfectionist reputation, Virgo is really a naughty sign that just knows how to cover it up better than everybody else. In fact, Virgos are known to revel in a good time. The one thing they cannot stand is bad manners, so be sure to apologize profusely when you accidentally elbow your neighbors while dancing wildly at the MGMT show.

Scorpio – one of the sexier signs – will also have a strong presence throughout the event, ensuring that you’ll feel a bizarre familiarity with and mild sexual attraction to a shocking number of your fellow concertgoers.

Fleet Foxes and CSS have the worst timeslots by far, as midday on Saturday the sensitive moon is sliding into synch with Saturn, a downer of a planet. Expect to remember you left your credit card at that dive on South Congress last night or uncover a horrendous stain on your new jeans. Or maybe you just have a terrible hangover. Drink lots of water, guard your wristband with your life, and soldier through.

By the time The Black Keys and Iron & Wine take to the stage at 7:30, the mini-dramas will be over and everyone will be in high spirits again. Party planet Jupiter, patron saint of collective celebration and revelry, is also making some very promising aspects to the moon Saturday night, so expect an outstanding performance from Beck.

There is every indication that you will be nursing a terrible hangover on Sunday morning as well, but make an effort to get back to the park, at least by the time The Kills take the stage at 1:30, because by then the moon will have slid into Libra. Kind of like the last day of camp when you realized there were so many cool kids you never even had the chance to hang out with, ACL people will be embracing one another cheerfully, chatting and making friends, not wanting their moment of mutual bliss to evaporate at evening’s end.

The Raconteurs perform at 6:30 Sunday evening and the powerful conjunction of the sun and moon is the perfect time for moody Cancer Jack White to take center stage. It should be an impassioned performance but with Uranus, planet of unpredictability, featuring prominently, expect the unexpected (Outrageous delays? Incredible guest performers?).

Overall, the Libra vibe at ACL will be totally cheerful, totally inclusive and even a little bit romantic. The Virgo influence is kind of granola, which makes sense for such an outdoors-y venue, but mostly it just keeps everyone pleasantly mindful of their manners as they queue for the john.

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